I believe that if you have the below four things in a relationship you have the foundation for a great union:
- Faith (God-based union)
- Financial Maturity
- Mental Compatibility
I saw this on Facebook the other day and did a quick praise dance. It captured everything I’ve ever said about identifying a great mate…
Subject: SELF WORTH (Very Deep!!!) In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:
‘What kind of man are you looking for?’
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking,
‘Do you really want to know?’
Reluctantly, he said, ‘Yes. She began to expound, ‘As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for myself? I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man… or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’ The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought & stated,
‘I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.’
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain. She said, ‘I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation.
I don’t need a simple-minded man. I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don’t need a financial burden. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.
I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God. I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy.
And by the way, I am not looking for him…He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me.
God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself. When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.
‘You are asking a lot.’
“I’m worth a lot”.
A few years ago I was given the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert from my grandmother who had just finished it. This was incredibly surprising to me as she was previously unable to sit still long enough to watch a movie, let alone read an entire book. The funny thing is, she had informed me that she skipped the whole “Pray” section because it wasn’t about Christianity. My grandmother is a devout Christian and a bit old fashion in many ways.
Anyway, I had began reading the book at the same time I had began a new assignment at work in a new location. The work was very challenging and although I’m usually very confident in the work I produce, I didn’t feel I had mastered what I needed from the training that I had to piece together on my own.
This new assignment was something that years prior I had hoped and prayed to one day be able secure, knowing it would be a great career boost. But I couldn’t stop complaining to my friends and family about what a challenge this new chapter was for me. I literally couldn’t fathom completing this assignment that was several months long in an unfamiliar location.
Like Elizabeth’s struggle with prayer and/in mediation, I too felt that struggle and frustration with this new position.
So as I was reading and internalizing Elizabeth’s experiences, I came to the realization that my belly aching was futile, because this is exactly what I had wanted. In the book Elizabeth writes “God might want me to be facing that particular challenge for a reason. Instead I feel more comfortable praying for the courage to face whatever occurs in my life with equanimity, no matter how things turn out.”
So with that I made up in my mind to reduce my complaints about everything, especially little things and accept and see the good in each situation. I must say I prayed a great deal during this time and related to Elizabeth and her story in a few ways. Ultimately, I grew as a person through the challenges and discomfort associated with that time in my life. The book, given to me as a gift, couldn’t have come at a more ideal time.