Guilty As Charged
Yup! I’ve been that friend that neglected or bailed on my friends after beginning a new romantic relationship. I hate to admit it but it happened.
A few years back I was knee-deep in a new relationship. We saw each other every day and ironically we lived in different states and about 1.5 hours away from each other. It was an intensive relationship to say the least. A few months into it, I made plans to hang out with a friend out-of-state. I didn’t think it’d be a big deal. But I hadn’t considered that my boyfriend at the time would want to tag along. I mean at some point you need your girl time. Well this caused a major fight for my boyfriend and I. Ultimately, I blew off my friend to bring the peace back to my relationship.
Well, my friend wasn’t having that. She put me right in my place. For starters, my long-term friends and I all are of the school of thought that you don’t dump your friends for a man. So after months of not of spending time with my friends and keeping my word on commitments, she had had enough. She flat-out told me that what I was doing was wrong and that I needed to re-evaluate who I was and what I was becoming based on the behavior she had observed since I had entered this new relationship.
Now this conversation could have gone a few different ways. But because I know my friends and their true intentions, I knew there wasn’t shade being thrown behind her confronting me on my recent behavior. So luckily for me this wasn’t the end of a long-term friendship. I heeded what she said and recognized the truth in her words.
I was slightly hurt and disappointed in myself. Because I had discarded my relationship with my friends and family for a guy that wasn’t respectful of the relationships I had built before I ever knew his name. It wasn’t right and because my friends and I had always had conversations about women who “got ghost” once they got a man, I couldn’t believe that I had become one of them. I vowed then that I would never do that to any of my friends or family again.
I think there are situations when it might be time to get new friends or distance yourself from old ones. But this wasn’t one of those situations.
I’ve lived by the quote that:
“If you get into a relationship & drop all your friends…don’t expect them to be there when the relationship ends…”
And that holds true for both males and females. Ultimately, I think it is extremely important to value your friendships and relationships. If you outgrow a person, make it known that it’s not about your new relationship but that you perhaps don’t find the same things interesting as you once did. And the bond you once shared isn’t as strong as it had been. People change, and the people in your life don’t always change at the same rate or grow in the same direction you see for yourself. But if you are honest with yourself and the company you keep, you can avoid a nasty break up with your friends and family.
More importantly, if your new boo is keeping you from your friends and family, it could be jealousy or insecurities. Either way those need to be addressed immediately. If they can’t respect your friends and family enough to feel comfortable with you spending time apart and with your loved ones, that person is probably not the one for you.
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