So I get a call from Nicola, the Serbian here in Frankfurt. He asks if we can meet and I oblige. We meet close to downtown at a popular cafe chain. We talk more about the car I want to purchase and he provides me some information on dealerships etc. I ordered sweet potato fries and water because I was starving and he order ginger ale. We stay and chat for about an hour before he walks me across the street to the U-bahn station.
As we’re about to depart he confides that he wanted to be honest with me. He asks what I thought about him, adding that he was curious to know how I felt about men seducing me. Confused, I asked what he meant by seducing me. He stammered a bit before sharing that in this context he was referring to having sex. He went on to say that he’s attracted to me, and that he think’s it a huge curiosity for European men to want to be with an African or African-American women, in particular, because the European women that the European men tend to date are physically much different. Black women have big butts and boobs and it’s enticing for him and other men like him to want to know what it’s like to be with a black women.
He asked me how men in America approach me or other women with the same intention. I said honestly, they’re usually not very upfront about their sexual intentions and will date a girl as long as it takes to get sex out of it. It’s not always the case but it can be many times. He asked me what my thoughts were on all of what he had asked and shared, hoping I wasn’t offended.
I assured him that I wasn’t offended, mainly because he was respectful, and I could understand his curiosity. But I let him know that I wasn’t interested in being his science project or open to charity sex. Maybe if I was 5 years younger I may have been down to test the waters. But at this point I’d rather not waste my time entertaining someone who has no intention of getting to know me or any intentions of building a real relationship.
We talked a bit more and I learned that ultimately he wanted to marry a woman like him, Serbian. I completely understood that. While I don’t know what my future holds I typically picture my husband to be a reflection of me. In the sense that he’ll look like me and we’ll share the same understanding of what it means to be an African American. So I understood his desire to marry a Serbian woman. For many minorities, I think it not only is easier to date and marry someone with the same ethnic background, but it many cases is just who you happened to be most attracted to. The same goes for religious affiliation.
We ultimately agreed that we’d likely not see each other again but I was happy to have met him and understand his perspective of interracial dating, and curiosity about black women. Luckily he was respectful about it, as I’m sure that is not always the case with other people I may meet.
- Iyanla Vanzant says black women are ‘out of order’ (thegrio.com)
- White Boyz With Problems (freethoughtblogs.com)
- Back to Basics (fashionasculturalenergy.wordpress.com)
- The Beauty Beat: Why Do We Contour our Noses to Make Them Thinner? (essence.com)
- Watch: ‘Living Thinkers’ A Documentary About Black Women ‘In the Ivory Tower’ (clutchmagonline.com)
- Lee Daniels, Kevin Hart, and Black Power is for Black Men (missvpage.com)
- “Your Skin is Not Like Mine”, Says the Serbian (justicelivingoutloud.com)